Goodbye Pert Breasts – Review and Competition

Goodbye Pert Breast by Ben Wakeling
Ben Wakeling is a daddy blogger who has a popular and very successful blog and he has just published his first book. So what do we mummy bloggers think of it?
Recently at the mummy and daddy bloggers awards 2010 I saw a grown man, head of Butlins if you please , discussing Ben’s blog and he had the giggles like a naughty school boy. Ben has a way of phrasing that men can really relate to and he is just that little bit risqué …oh okay he steams in and says what dads LONG to say. Goodbye pert breasts is a lament my husband surely has but would never say to me. Ben named his blog and now his book it! It gives blokes the giggles.
 I have to say I found Ben’s book HYSTERICAL!  )  I loved this book, guiding men through pregnancy and what it entails. I found it funny, shocking, practical, and digestible it gives a man’s perspective; it was sensitive and empathic when this was called for and it was easy to read.

                                                   Click HERE to buy
Ben writes like men talk to each other, for example:
Her senses are also heightened during pregnancy, especially her sense of smell. You know they say a shark can smell a teaspoon of blood in a swimming pool? Well your mrs can smell a fart in a warehouse, no joke. Therefore, its best to keep strong smells of all kinds away from her to minimise the risk of her chucking
See he mixes sensitivity, practical information and the kind of analogy only a bloke could make. There’s no word mincing here!
The book takes you through the diary of his wife’s pregnancy and it is a very practical read, discussing whets happening with the baby and how this is impacting her (and him). He is shockingly irreverent (though totally tongue in cheek) in discussing his wife but he is also very amusing and underlying all this is a touching sensitivity to what she is going through.
Many of the pregnancy books that I have read and the articles Ive skimmed through on the internet talk of a “pregnancy glow” around this time. As I look up from my laptop and eye my wife tentatively, I see nothing of this fabled glow. Instead, my wide-eyed gaze lingers upon the hormonal snarl that is the mother of my child as she wipes away another chocolate goatee, caused by a poor bar of Galaxy that didn?t know what hit it.
So naughty.
Other fab bits included in this book look at money, work , why nursery rhymes are evil, choosing a  baby name, a letter to my foetus, etc. It really is packed full of gems. Take a look at this:

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and bumped his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.
Firstly, this nursery rhyme is stupid because it has no moral. It barely has a storyline. Two kids go up a hill to get some water, end up falling back down, one of them suffering serious head traumas. Sleep tight, son.
Ben’s anecdotes and insights are the stuff of a stand up genuius. I would HIGHLY recommend buying this book for any expectant dad (mums – it give you a fascinating insight into a man’s mind!)
I’ll leave the last words to Ben ( a big soppy softy really)

Once you’re old enough, I’ll take you and your brother to football and rugby matches, and disown you if you want to see the ballet instead. I’ll kiss your knees when you fall over in the garden,  (I think that’s so sweet)

The book costs £8.99 and is available from

To win a signed copy of this funny and fab new book just tell me what nursery rhyme gives you the shivers. Competition ends next Friday, Oct 1st at 4pm. Winner chosen at random. Best of luck!

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  1. The Dotterel
    September 24, 2010 / 7:13 pm

    Ok then, easy: The Old Woman who lived in a Shoe. Not content with reproducing beyond acceptable levels or with her rather unorthodox residence, she wantonly feeds her many children junk before physically assaulting them and packing them off to bed. They need to be told the number for Childline.

  2. Becky Goddard-Hill
    September 25, 2010 / 6:56 am

    That they do…I so want to enter this too…is that against the rules? I tell you what i will do I will wait till the end then list ALL the gruesone ones I love (I mean know) that haven't been mentioned!

  3. louisestrachan
    September 25, 2010 / 11:21 am

    Humpty Dumpty falls smashes and nobody can do anything,just the sort of relaxing sleep inducing tale that children need – nightmare yes please:)

  4. Mom-on-a-Wire
    September 25, 2010 / 5:00 pm

    'Oranges and Lemons' was always rather a traumatic experience during school breaks!

  5. Second Time Mummy
    September 25, 2010 / 5:10 pm

    Rock a bye baby on the tree top,
    When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
    When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
    And down will come baby, cradle and all.

    Enough said!!

  6. RedTedArt
    September 25, 2010 / 7:52 pm

    Hey, all the Struwel Peter ones.

    Here a synopsis translated of only 3 of the 10 poems or so:

    Little girl don't play with matches and she does, so she burns to death.

    Next one
    Little boy Philip, don't rock on your chair and he does, so he dies because he pulls the table cloth and everything on him as he falls over, the forks and SPOONS piercing him to death.

    Don't suck your thumb whils mummy is out and he does.. so the bad taylor comes and chops his thumbs off with his scissors and the boy bleeds to death.

    How is that for German directness and good bedtime reading?!


  7. wendy_mcd83
    September 25, 2010 / 8:23 pm

    Sing a Song of Sixpence used to really disturb me….it was the bit about the blackbird pecking off the maid's nose. I can just visualize the event…washing being splattered with blood in the frenzied attack…ugh!!! I could believe that Alfred Hitchcock had this nursery rhyme sung to him in his formative years…definite inspiration for "The Birds"!

  8. info
    September 25, 2010 / 10:43 pm

    It has got to be Ding Dong Bell – a nursery rhyme about animal cruelty – it's just not right! The RSPCA would be onto to Little Johnny Green if he did that now!

    Perhaps this could be rewritten about Mary Bale 'The Cat Bin Lady' so we have a modern classic to pass on to our children! :o)

  9. Becky Goddard-Hill
    September 26, 2010 / 7:10 am

    Do you know I'm starting to feel social services may well have a job to do in nursery education!

  10. Bushbb
    September 26, 2010 / 9:23 am

    For me it has to be the woman who swallows a fly…

    It starts…
    There was an old woman who swallowed a fly,
    I don't know why she swallowed a fly,
    Perhaps she'll die.

    it continues as she eats various animals until we reach the end..

    There was an old woman who swallowed a horse,
    She's dead—of course!

    Nice nighttime reading 🙂

  11. Becky Goddard-Hill
    September 26, 2010 / 9:38 am

    Oh my ….

  12. Alison
    September 26, 2010 / 5:18 pm

    Three Blind Mice. Is it really necessary for the farmer's wife to hack off their tails? Don't like mice in the kitchen? Get a cat.

  13. Ellen Arnison
    September 26, 2010 / 7:57 pm

    I'm with Second Time Mummy and Rock a bye baby. Putting a baby up a tree on a windy night is bad enough but not securing the cradle safely and picking a weedy tree that will break is downright negligent.

  14. Robyn
    September 27, 2010 / 12:39 am

    Ring a ring a rosie a pocket full of ….
    … about the plague 🙁

  15. Chris Nash
    September 28, 2010 / 4:43 am

    Ooh, that's a tough one. Not so much finding a nursery rhyme, but wading through so many oh-so-astoundingly wicked ones. "Rock a Bye Baby" certainly gives me the creeps, but that's been already mentioned. And "Ring a Ring of Roses" was *meant* to scare the kids into sneezing into their hanky so they didn't die of the Black Death, right?

    Yet, none of these is a patch on the most stomach-curdling one of all…

    Now I lay me down to sleep,
    I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
    If I should die before I wake,
    I pray the Lord my soul to take.

    Sweet dreams, kids…

  16. Nicki Cawood
    September 29, 2010 / 6:27 am

    All of these give me the willies, which is probably why I spent most of Kieran's early weeks and months singing "You are my sunshine"!

    Hubby told me this one he heard frequently as a youngster:

    Early in the morning,
    Late one night,
    Two dead men got up to fight,
    Back to back they faced each other,
    Drew their swords
    And SHOT each other.

    It's not that they shot each other really that gives me the goose pimples – it's the fact they were already dead?! It explains all the zombie movies that are appearing nowadays.

  17. Cheryl
    September 29, 2010 / 6:33 am

    Humpty Dumpty – what if he wasn't an egg and he was just some bloke who got smashed to bits falling off a wall ?! But now I'm actually thinking about it, they're all pretty gruesome really !

  18. Hayley
    September 29, 2010 / 7:30 pm

    In a good way or bad? Good – Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Bad… Rock a bye baby … its pretty vicious rocking!

  19. benwakelingblog
    September 29, 2010 / 8:52 pm

    Some great suggestions! Humpty Dumpty is a particularly harrowing one. There are some in the book that haven't been mentioned…what about Little Miss Muffet? Oranges and Lemons? Even the Grand Old Duke of York!!

    Keep 'em coming!


  20. Becky Goddard-Hill
    September 30, 2010 / 5:16 am

    This is on behalf of tattoooed mummy who couldnt leave her comment ……

    my fave "DAVY,DAVY DUMPLING, boil him in a pot, sugar him & butter him & eat him while he's hot of course when i sing it i use my child's name in place of 'davy' for added horror


  21. Jennifer Howze
    September 30, 2010 / 1:27 pm

    I really dislike the "message" behind so many nursery rhymes but "There Was A Crooked Man" gives me the willies since it seems to be about a disabled man and his sad run-down house and broken-down animals.

  22. Quirky Jessi
    October 1, 2010 / 7:36 pm

    Oo, I'm cutting it close time-wise to enter, huh? I thought I already had (reader from over at his site), but I guess not!

    Anyway, fittingly enough, There was an Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe is the one that gives me shivers. I do a lot of childcare work and to feel overwhelmed with 'other' people's kids always made me wonder what I'd do if I had "so many children to know what to do," lol.

    October 3, 2010 / 5:56 pm

    The competition is over, and I've been tasked with choosing the winner! So, without further ado, the winner is…

    wendy_mcd83 !!

    Whether it was the graphic description of the "frenzied attack" on the maid, or the link between a nursery rhyme and one of the world's greatest directors, something about this comment stood out from the crowd!

    Thanks to everyone who entered!

  24. wendy_mcd83
    October 3, 2010 / 6:21 pm

    Brilliant!!! Glad that my childhood imagery resonated with you…look forward to reading the book! Thank you x

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